The Virtual Christmas Tree

Further to my post on the innovative use of Arts Council of Wales funding for a “virtual art exhibition” in the Chapter Gallery, I have been sent the following, rather tongue in cheek, notice regarding an anonymous council’s latest application.

It quite clearly suggests that the ACW should be a little more forward thinking with their grant awarding policies!

The notice follows:

“Our Town Council is to apply to the Arts Council of Wales for a substantial grant to fund a VIRTUAL CIVIC CHRISTMAS TREE, (known hereafter as ‘the tree’.)

As normal, the tree would be placed in the centre of our town. Passers by could stop and contemplate the tree and see what they wanted to see. A 50’ Norwegian spruce, a 40’ Douglas Fir or even a 12” plastic silver tree complete with fairy on the top.

Whether be it millions of small pealights or a vast swathe of coloured bulbs, the spectators could design (in their own minds) what lights adorned their tree. The choices are endless!

It could have a vast mound of gaily wrapped presents at the bottom or for the more religious, a crib scene where a doting Mary cares for the baby Jesus.

Everyone who stopped to look at the tree would be happy- they would see only what they wanted and expected. 100% customer satisfaction!

Then there would be other benefits to the community:

There would be zero environmental impact: there would be no need to drive a polluting lorry to the hills to fetch the tree. This would have positive compliance for the Councils sustainability policy.
No real tree would have to be felled. Therefore saving a valuable natural habitat for some (yet to be discovered) fungus.
No cost to ratepayers in the erection and removal of the real tree. Value for money?
Any signage the spectator sees is in the language of their choice, thus fulfilling the Council’s language policy.
No electricity costs in lighting the real tree.
No health and safety concerns regarding to the positioning of a tree next to the trunk road through town.
No Health & Safety concerns regarding the switching on of the real lights.
No Health & Safety concerns regarding hundreds of people surrounding the real tree on a dark night next to a busy road.
No concerns regarding vandalism.
No light pollution.

There are surely many other ways in which this innovative idea could turn out to be a winner; it is an all in all win/ win situation!”

Your comments are gladly welcomed.